Saturday, October 18, 2008

It's Great

I just got back from two days with the lovely Alix G. Friday night was kinda a hot mess but I love her so I didnt mind spending the night in with her. I fell asleep watching Harry Potter.....I'm almost always the first to fall asleep...I just dont see the point of staying awake when were already in bed...idk if that makes sense but in my mind when I'm in bed I'm when in bed I'm more apt to fall asleep.
Today I feel like sitting in my room all day and watching LOVE and other disasters. Its one of my favorite movies of all times....I've become a kinda of hopeless romantic I'm afraid to admit and my life seems to be consumed with the thought of love....fuck. This day feels so amazing. Just the rite amount of sunlight is comming in through the blinds and my room is pretty chilly ( ilovethecold ) and I'm in a good mood...although I kind of feel like strangeling someone . Me and my Boyfriend of almost two weeks broke up...I'm glad I was able to come out of that denial. To think that me and him could ever work was just absolutley rediculas were polor opposites. He was rite when he said it was like mixing oil and water..The only thing we have in common is that were gay. But during our honest and mutual break up..he began to insult me.....It made me a little upsett and Then minutes before me and my Boyfriends breakup I was on the phone with my gay friend whos such a great guy. I love talking to him. But then i started thinking about me..and him ( the friend not the boyfriend ) and I realized how jealous I was of him. He's going to be happy and guys are going to like him. I know it i can see it in his future....and I just cant see it in mine. I just have this feeling that I'm going to die alone....haha with cats...and a bunch of cheap romance novels and sad sad sad movies cream.
I'm so tired of being taken advantage of.. And now that I kind of grew out of that faze of my life I'm just so upset with myself how I could just throw myself around like that. I tried telling myself it didnt mean anything to me and When they walked I acted realived beacuse I thought the last thing I wanted was a relationship for it to mean somthing. Its only now that i realize how much I was used. And how fucked up it was.

It's great when you realize shit like this..just when its to late to fix it oh well " live life"

OH my Birthday is in four days. I cant wait to go shopping

No comments: