Tuesday, November 4, 2008

I see

So much of me in her. So much of who I am..who I want to be. I find myself feeling stupid and cocky saying that I see myself in somone so iconic and so amazingly unique and fabulous...but I do I honestly do. I'm sad. The only person on the entrie planet who I feel that comes anything to close to my real self....is dead. With all are similarties I wonder if we share the same fate. Unable to learn from her..will I end up like her...I've known my entire life..although I may not have been able to point out exsactly what the feeling was my entrie life..it's been there. Hanging over me. Standing next to me. This feeling makes me question it. I work so hard to get so little..I work for what isn't there. Somthing tranparent and barley alive..almost dead. Yet I work for it..I work towards it.
Watching this..Watching us create her...I'm sad....I know that what will come of me will come of me. Eventually. I can't run from it...deny it..move past it. It's there. Ever present Ever real Ever....
What do I do for now...under the pressure to blossem I feel as if I will never grow.....

I have made a fool out of me....for this. I am happy.

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