Tuesday, March 1, 2011


I would rather die than be here and I have nothing else to do. So bored...so tired...so restless so dull. My personality could use a sharperner. I just wish things would be better already...I've had such a ahrd time this year with the whole alix thing and than my whole personal agenda that I can never seem to actually meet.
I wouldnt say I am depressed but I would say that I am unhappy. I need some Red Garden I need some substance. T o be reminded what it feels like what a hole really feels like because I can't affiord to fall into a hole once ive come so far. I also cant afford to be this shitty person when if anything I need all the good karma I can get. I really feel like im sinking though...in my weight.....in my grades....in my life...in my new obsession with getting that job at Aldo.
What if they don't call ? What if I dont get that job...to be honest I've never not gotten what I wanted...I work hard...I go in full force and I get what I want out of my life because I am a go getter.....but what if it's not enough this time ? Just like school....I just feel helpless all the suden and driven to extreams like running into the store screaming ( and looking fantastic ) GIVE ME THE JOB I NEED IT I NEED I TSEJKFASHF DJKFH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i cant get that night out of my head.......

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